"Reward these soldiers for their work" joke
A British General had sent some of his men off to fight for their country in the Falkland Island Crisis.
Upon returning to England from the South American island, three soldiers that had distinguished themselves in battle were summoned to the General`s office. "Since we weren`t actually at war," the General began, "I can`t give out any medals. We did, however, want to let each of you know your efforts were appreciated.
What we`ve decided to do is to let each of you choose two points on your body. You will be given two pounds sterling for each inch of distance between those parts. We`ll start on the left, boys, so what`ll it be?"
Soldier 1: "The tip of me head to me toes, sahr!" General: "Very good son, that`s 70 inches which comes to 140 pounds"
Soldier 2: "The tip of the finger on one outstretched hand to the tip of the other, sir!"
General: "Even better son, that`s 72 inches which comes to 144 pounds"
Soldier 3: "The palm of me hand to the tip of me left pinky, sahr!"
General: "That`s a strange but fair request, son!
As the general begins the measurement: "What! Son, where is your left pinky?"
Soldier 3: "Falkland Island, sahr!"
A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.
Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.
"Well, it was like this," said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she more...
The lesson is what you read in the fine print. The experience is what you get when you don't.
two teenagers wanted to fuck but the girl had to share her room with her litte sister(they had a bunk bed)..they decided to get a code if the girl wanted it faster she would say meat... is she wanted it slower she would say bread... so the girl start yelling meat and when it got more...