"Rodney Dangerfield jokes" joke
Rodney Dangerfield jokes
A girl phoned me the other day and said. ... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.
If it weren't for pick-pocketers I'd have no sex life at all.
And we were poor too. Why if I wasn't born a boy.... I'd have nothing to play with.
During sex my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
One day as I came home early from work. .... I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy. ... Hey buddy. ... why are you doing that for? He said. ... Because you came home early.
Its been a rough day. I got up this morning. ... put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.
I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
When I was born. ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father. ... I'm very sorry. We did everything we could but he pulled through.
My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father.He said he wanted more proof.
Once when I was lost..... I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him. .... do you think we'll ever find them? He said. .. I don't know kid. ... there are so many places they can hide.
On Halloween. ... the parents send their kids out looking like me.
Last year... one kid tried to rip my face off! Now its different...when I answer the door the kids hand me candy.
My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
I worked in a pet shop and people kept asking how big I'd get.
I went to see my doctor. Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror... I feel like throwing up; What's wrong with me? He said... I don't know but your eyesight is perfect.
My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him. ... If you don't mind I'd like a second opinion. He said. ... Alright.... you're ugly.
When I was born the doctor took one look at my face. .. turned me over and said. Look. .. twins!
Two Polish guys are sitting on a park bench, and a bum comes up to them.
"Hey!!" he bellows, in his hoarse voice. "I got a riddle for you two. What has 2 heads, 4 arms, 4 legs, and stinks like SHIT??"
The Polish guys look at each other, and one of more...
A Haryana Jat who had been irritated by his failure to answer any of the riddles put to him by a clever bania said angrily:' All right, now you answer this riddle: What is hung on a wall, is red, drips and speaks?'
After a while the bania admitted he did not know the more...
Q: What happens when you forget to pay an exorcist?
A: You get re-possessed.
Q: What is the largest building in Transylvania?
A: The Vampire State Building.
Q: What does a weight-conscious vampire drink?
A: Blood Light.
Q: Why did more...
Q: How much dirt is in a hole three feet long, two feet wide, and one foot deep?
[SCROLL DOWN AGAIN FOR THE ANSWER]
A: None. more...
The world's most incredibly lazy man found a magic lamp. He rubbed it and a genie appeared and granted him three wishes. He wished for a horse, a sumo wrestler and a squirrel.
"They're yours, but what are they for?" the genie asked.
"I'm more...