"Rules of Riting Good" joke

Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
Employ the vernacular.
Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
One should never generalize.
Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
Do not be redundant.
Do not use more words than necessary. It's highly superfluous.
Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
Be more or less specific.
Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas.
One-word sentences? Eliminate.
No sentence fragments.
Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
The passive voice is to be avoided.
Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
Who needs rhetorical questions?
Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
Verbs have to agree with their subjects.
Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times. Resist hyperbole. Not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
Puns are for children, not groan readers.
Proofread carefully to see if you left any words out of your