"STAGES OF LIFE" joke

THE MALE STAGES OF LIFE
AGE DRINK
17 beer
25 vodka
35 scotch
48 double scotch
66 Mylanta
AGE SEDUCTION LINE
17 My parents are away for the weekend.
25 My girlfriend is away for the weekend.
35 My fiancee is away for the weekend.
48 My wife is away for the weekend.
66 My wife is dead.
AGE FAVORITE SPORT
17 sex
25 sex
35 sex
48 channel surfing
66 napping
AGE DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17 "tongue"
25 "breakfast"
35 "She didn't set back my therapy."
48 "I didn't have to meet her kids."
66 "Got home alive."
AGE FAVOURITE FANTASY
17 a winning goal after the siren
25 sex in an aeroplane
35 menage a trois
48 taking over the company
66 Swiss maid/Nazi love slave
AGE WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
17 25
25 35
35 48
48 66
66 17
AGE IDEAL DATE
17 Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in
25 "Split the cheque before we go back to my place."
35 "Just come over."
48 "Just come over and cook."
66 Sex in the company jet on the way to Las Vegas.
THE FEMALE STAGES OF LIFE
AGE DRINK
17 Wine Coolers
25 White wine
35 Red wine
48 Dom Perignon
66 Shot of Jack Daniel's with a Napkin chaser
AGE EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES
17 Need to wash my hair
25 Need to wash and condition my hair
35 Need to color my hair
48 Need to have Stefan colour my hair
66 Need to have Stefan colour my wig
AGE FAVOURITE SPORT
17 shopping
25 shopping
35 shopping
48 shopping
66 shopping
AGE DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17 "McDonalds"
25 "Free meal"
35 "A diamond"
48 "A bigger diamond"
66 "Home Alone"
AGE FAVOURITE FANTASY
17 tall, dark and handsome
25 tall, dark and handsome with money
35 tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
48 a man with hair
66 a man
AGE WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED
17 17
25 25
35 35
48 48
66 66
AGE IDEAL DATE
17 He offers to pay
25 He pays
35 He cooks breakfast the next morning
48 He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
66 He can chew breakfast