"School Excuses" joke

The following are excuse notes from parents (including original spellings) collected by the University of Texas: They were collected from Arkansas, Kentucky, Tennessee, West Virginia and Mississippi.My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32,and also 33.Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels. (Squirts)Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear.Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother a low grade fever and ached allover. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.And the best one...Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was not his fault.

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