"Scriptures out of context..." joke

This is a joke from my pastor about the using the Scriptures out of context...
A man was looking into the Bible for some guidance. Not knowing where to look, he simply opened the Bible randomly and point his finger at a passage. Wherever his finger lands, he will take as advice.
Here's the first: "Judas went out and hanged himself". Not knowing what to make out of that, he tried again.
This time it is: "Go and do likewise." Completely baffled, he tried a third time.
"Whatever you are to do, do so quickly."

Why is santa claus always so happy?
He knows where all of the bad girls live!

226
101

How many letters are in the alphabet?
There are 11 letters in "THE ALPHABET"
Did you say 26? :)

18
7

A man was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his 5-year-old son standing wide-eyed at the fence, taking in the whole event.
The man thought, "Oh, this is just great... he's only 5 and I'm going to have to start explaining all about the birds and the more...

6
2

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

42
8

Q: What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?
A: You can un-screw a lightbulb!

81
36
Be first to comment!
remember me
follow replies
Funny Joke? 8 vote(s). 63% are positive. 0 comment(s).