"Season's Greeting, I Think" joke

Best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low
stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, winter solstice holiday, practiced
within the most joyous traditions of the religious persuasion
of your choice, but with respect for the religious persuasion of others who
choose to practice their own religion as well as those who choose not to
practice a religion at all; plus, A fiscally successful, personally
fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the generally
accepted calendar year 1999, but not without due respect for
the calendars of choice of the other cultures whose contributions have
helped make our society great, without regards to the race, creed, color,
religious, or sexual preferences of the wishes.
(disclaimer: This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal.
It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes
for him/herself or others and no responsibility for any unintended
emotional stress these greetings may bring to those not caught up in the
holiday spirit.)