"Some Warning Signs of Insanity" joke
Some Warning Signs of Insanity- You write to your mother in Germany every week, even though she sends you mail from Iowa asking why you never write. - You're always having to apologize to your next door neighbor for setting fire to his lawn decorations. - Nobody listens to you anymore, because they can't understand you through that scuba mask. - You begin to stop and consider all of the blades of grass you've stepped on as a child, and worry that their ancestors are going to one day seek revenge. - You have meaningful conversations with your toaster. - You collect dead windowsill flies. - Every time the phone rings, you shout, "Hey! An angel just got its wings!"- You like cats. Especially with mayo. - You cry at the end of every episode of Gilligan's Island, because they weren't rescued. - You put tennis balls in the microwave to see if they'll hatch. - Whenever you listen to the radio, the music sounds backwards. - You have a predominant fear of fabric softener. - You wake up each morning and find yourself sitting on your head in the middle of your front lawn. - Your dentist asks you why each individual tooth has your name etched on it, and you tell him it's for security reasons. - Melba toast sexually excites you. - When the waiter asks for your order, you ask to go into another room to tell him, because "the napkins have ears." - You tend to agree with everything your mother's dead uncle tells you. - You call up random people and ask if you can borrow their dog, just for a few minutes. - Your main goal in life is to become the president of Bulemia. - Nearly everything you say involves the word, "P-toing!"- You argue with yourself about which is better, to be eaten by a koala or to be loved by an infectious disease. - You like to sit in cornfields for prolonged periods of time, and pretend that you're a stalk. - You think that exploding wouldn't be so bad, once you got used to it. - People offer you help, but you unfortunately interpret this as a violation of your rights as a boysenberry.
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