"Some cards you will NEVER see from Hallmark" joke

"Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your Wife." "How could two people as beautiful as you have such an ugly baby?" "I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After
having met you, I've changed my mind." "I must admit, you brought Religion into my life. I never believed in
Hell til I met you." "As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to
ruin it for me." If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your sister." As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me.
Like the need for therapy..." Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, would you like to
take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again." "Someday I hope to get married, but not to you." Happy Birthday! You look great for your age... Almost Lifelike! When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that
we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise.I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend.
So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys." "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here." "Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who
the father was?" "Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday- so
we're having you put to sleep." "Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!" ( available only in Kentucky ) "Sis, aren't we proud of our baby?" ( available only in Arkansas )

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