"Southern Sayins" joke
It's so dry here, the fish are knocking on the door, askin' for a drink of water.He disappeared like a belch in a wind storm.Who blew out your pilot light?I'm so hungry I could lick the sweat off a cafeteria window!It's so good, it'd make a freight train take a dirt road!My stomach's full, but my mouth ain't satisfied!Well now! Don't that just fry your tater?That steak's so rare, a good vet could save it!That's about as easy as nailin' Jell-O to the wall.That feller ain't nothin' but an appetite with skin drawn over it.I'm old and ugly, but I can still pull up to the table three times a day.You can't chew with somebody else's teeth.When foxes pack the jury box, the chicken's always guilty!That's like tryin' to sneak sunup past a rooster!Noisier than a mule in a tin barn.Sexy as socks on a rooster.Mad as a mule chewin' bumblebees.A fartin' horse never tires.You shut the barn door after your horse got out.You're about as useful as a bucket under a bull!Now that he's sowed his wild oats, he's hopin' for crop failure!He's so bad, he'd fight a circle saw!He's all vines, and no taters.He'll never drown in his own sweat.It's like tryin' to poke a cat out from under the porch with a rope.His feet's so big, he has to put his britches on over his head.If you shake his hand, count your fingers.If she heard that, she'd lay square eggs.He's about two jumps ahead of a fit.If fat geese were sellin' for 10 cents a pound, I couldn't buy a hummingbird.If it costs a dollar to go around the world, I couldn't get out of sight.That chili's so hot, it can make a cat pass a motorcycle!He looks like he's been beat through hell with a soot bag.You're about two bubbles off plumb.I think the butter's slipped off your biscuit.He's as happy as a puppy waggin' two tails.You're goin' up fool's hill on the slippery side.Folks who get all wrapped up in themselves, sure do make small packages.You'll never get indigestion from swallowing you own pride.Who licked the red off your candy?Two heads are better than one - even if one is a knothead.If I knew I would live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself.She's so good lookin', it'd make a dog break his chain!
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