"Success In Love" joke

To my dear wife, During the past year, I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often. We will wake the children....... 17 times It's too late....... 15 times I'm too tired....... 5 times It's too early....... 52 times It's too hot....... 15 times Pretending to be asleep....... 49 times Window open the neighbours will hear....... 9 times Backache....... 2 times Headache....... 16 times Sunburnt....... 10 times Your mother will hear us....... 6 times Not in the mood....... 21 times Will wake the baby....... 17 times Watching the late TV show....... 7 times Too sore....... 9 times New hairdo....... 4 times Wrong time of the month....... 4 times You had to go to the toilet....... 9 timesOn the 36 occasions that I did succeed, the activity was not entirely satisfactory because 6 times you just lay there, 8 times you reminded me there was a crack in the ceiling, 14 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you to tell you I had finished, and once I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move. Your loving husband. To my dear husband, I think you have things a little confused. Here are the real reasons you did not get more than you did. Came home drunk and tried to screw the cat....... 7 times Didn't come home....... 29 times Didn't come....... 14 times Came too soon....... 26 times Went soft before you got in....... 18 times Toes in cramp....... 9 times Working late....... 49 times Said you had a rash, probably from a loo seat....... 21 times In a fight, someone kicked you in the balls....... 4 times Caught it in your zipper....... 6 times Got a cold, your nose keeps running....... 14 times Brewer's droop....... 95 times Tea was too hot, you burnt your tongue....... 9 times Had a splinter in your finger....... 4 times Lost the notion after thinking about it all day....... 13 times Came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book....... 8 timesOf the times we did get together, the reason I lay still was because you had missed and was stuffing the sheets. I wasn't talking about a crack in the ceiling, what I said was "Would you prefer it on your back or with me kneeling?" The times you felt me move were because you had farted and I was trying to breathe. However, 6 months ago I phoned Alcoholics Anonymous for help and their representative has been calling most afternoons. Your loving wife.

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