"Support, Santa Cruz Style" joke

1. "My hard disk won't boot". I suggest they take the floppy
> out of drive A:. Later when I arrive, they have successfully
> removed the floppy drive from the machine (with the floppy disk
> still inside).
>
> 2. "My dog goes nuts when I run Windows. No problem with any
> DOS programs". Her monitor had a cracked flyback transformer.
> When the multisync monitor switched scan rates upon entering
> Windows, the high frequency audio produced by the broken flyback
> was heard by the dog.
>
> 3. "Michaelangelo virus ate my hard disk, but I have a tape
> backup. Can you help me restore the system". No problem.
> When I arrive, I find the data on the tape was 18 months old and
> that she had never run a backup. "I thought you just shoved
> in the tape and it sucked up the data".
>
> 4. "How do I get on the national data information super highway?".
> I ask if he has accounts on any bbs's. He has Netcom, Compuserve,
> and others. I tell him he's already on the highway.
> "Is that all there is?" I hangup.
>
> 5. "What's the fastest way to move 500MBytes of data daily
> from Santa Cruz to Los Angeles?". Answer: FedEx.
>
> 6. How many RJ45 connector does it take to build 8ea 10baseT cables?
> Answer: 45. I put the first 16 connectors on with one end backward.
> I then chopped off the good ends. Chopping off the other 8 connectors
> and effectively starting over consumed another 16 connectors. The
> 2nd try resulted in one end being mirror-imaged. Chopping of 8 more
> connectors I finally got them wired correctly. Then I tested them
> for continuity and found 5 bad crimps. Total=45.
>
> 7. "What kind of hard disk do you have?" Well... It's black
> with a little red light. .. (groan).
>
> 8. Most common support call. "I lost my CMOS setup. How many
> heads, cylinders, and sectors does a _______ drive have?".
>
> 9. "I move the mouse in any direction and the cursor only moves
> an inch or so on the screen and stops".
> Take the foam shipping ring out from around the mouse ball.
>
> 10. "My systems on fire. What do I do?".
> Ummmmm. Turn it off? "(Click)"