"Swell Time" joke

About 7 am on August 25th 1998, thirty-six year old Mrs Sarah Jenson started her period. By the time she arrived at work an hour later, she had started to experience a chronic itching sensation in her crotch.

Sarah worked as an advisor in a call centre and had recently received a final warning about her poor attendance record. To keep her job, she tried to ignore the itch and got on with answering customers' calls.

At 11: 25 am she reported to her boss that she was suffering from severe abdominal pain and it was only when she collapsed in her own vomit that he called for an ambulance.

She was admitted to the Lincoln Hospital, Texas where doctors discovered that her vagina was greatly swollen and her labia had distended to three times normal size. Whilst cleaning the inflamed area, a tampon was found and it was sent away for analysis.

Suspecting Toxic Shock syndrome, Sarah was kept under close observation until her condition was no longer critical. One week later the Lab results on the tampon arrived and doctors were baffled to find that it contained traces of wasp venom.

It transpires that Sarah was having an affair with her aerobics instructor, and when her husband Mr Henry Jenson found out, he was so enraged he wanted revenge. Knowing his wife was allergic to insect stings, he purchased wasp venom through a biochemical company. He lightly coated his wife's tampons with the venom, resealed the individual wrappers and replaced them in their box.

Mrs Jenson has filed for a divorce and a case of grievous bodily harm. Mr Jenson is reported as saying, "I just wanted her to have a swell time without me."