"Teaching Tarzan to write a letter" joke

Yesterday, I helped my mother-in-law get set up on email for the first time. She got frustrated from time to time. Upon reflection, I decided that frustration was perfectly understandable. Imagine trying to learn to write a letter for the first time...
Me: Ok, to write a letter, the first thing you need is a piece of paper and a pen.
Tarzan: What are those?
Me: Paper is flat stuff that is made from tree pulp, sort of like a very small blackboard. Pens are sticks that write, sort of like chalk but smaller and in darker colors.
Tarzan: Is this paper?
Me: Ah, yes, that is paper, but you don't want to write a letter on that, that's my paycheck.
Tarzan: Why can't I use this?
Me: Well, that's a representation of money that I... uh, never mind. Just don't write on that. Look, here's a piece of paper that you can write on.
Tarzan: What about a pen?
Me: Pens are like little sticks. Do you see anything on this desk that
looks
like a little stick? Uh, no, that's a ruler. Rulers are for measuring things. Uh, no, that's a toothpick, it's for cleaning teeth, I don't know why it's on my desk. Look, here's a pen.
Tarzan: That doesn't look like a little stick! It's grey. Little sticks are brown.
Me: I meant "little stick" metaphorically. Just use this. Uh, you have to take the cap off first. Ok, now write "Dear Mom" on the paper. Wait, you want to rotate the paper so that the short side is at the top and the long side comes towards you.
Tarzan: Why?
Me: Well, that's just how it's done. I suppose you could do it the other way, but it would look a little funny. Ok, now write "Dear Mom" on the - oh, no, at the top. Well, never mind, we can just throw this one away and start over. That's right, "Dear Mom" at the top. Then the rest of the letter.
Tarzan: Ok, I've finished the letter! Can we go hunting now?
Me: Well, you aren't really done. I mean, you are done with the letter, but now you have to send it. You need to put the letter in an envelope next. An envelope is a piece of paper that is all folded up to hide and protect the letter. Uh, no, put my paycheck down, we don't want to fold it into an envelope.
Tarzan: Wouldn't that work?
Me: Well, yeah, it would *work*, but it isn't the best way to do it, and besides, I want to keep my paycheck. Look, just put your letter into this envelope here.
Tarzan: It won't fit.
Me: Yeah, you have to fold it first. Um, it will work better if you fold it into thirds. No, the other way. There you go, now put it in the envelope. Good. Now seal the envelope by licking the paper here and folding it over.
Tarzan: You *must* be joking!
Me: No, really, that's how you seal the envelope. Look, if you don't want to lick it, you could get a little sponge and dish of water and use the sponge to wet the envelope flap.
Tarzan: I'll just go dunk it in the creek then.
Me: NO! Sorry, I didn't mean to yell. Look, I'll show you, *I* will lick it for you. See? Easy.
Tarzan: Ok, now can we go hunting?
Me: No, not yet, we still need to address the mail so that the postman knows who should get the envelope. So on the envelope, write "Lady Greystoke" - nonono over here. Well, never mind, we can get a new envelope for it. I'll take it out of the old one for you. Ok, here's a new envelope for you, see if you can put it in - that's good - and seal it.
Tarzan: I cut my tongue!
Me: Ooops. It does take a little getting used to. Ok, now write "Lady Greystoke" right here. Good! Ok, now we need to look up her address in the address book. This is my address book, and you'll have to make your own address book and fill it in with addresses.
Tarzan: How will I know what people's addresses are?
Me: You'll just ask them for their address.
Tarzan: How can I ask them if I can't write to them?
Me: You have to ask them some other way, like when you see them in person.
Tarzan: Why can't I just get a big book with everybody's address in it?
Me: Well, ther