"Temperance Sermon" joke

A preacher from the deep south was finishing a temperance sermon. "If I had all the beer in the world," he said with expression, "I would take it and pour it into the river."
"And if I had all the wine in the world," he continued, with even greater emphasis, "I would take it and pour it into the river."
And finally, he cried, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I would take it and pour it into the river."
Having completed the sermon, he sat down.
At that point, the song leader rose and, with a sheepish grin, cautiously announced, "For our closing, let us sing Hymn #279, 'Shall We Gather At The River'."

Q: What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?
A: You can un-screw a lightbulb!

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What is the definition of eternity?
Four blondes in four cars at a four way intersection.

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Why is santa claus always so happy?
He knows where all of the bad girls live!

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Person 1: Knock, Knock
Person 2: Who's there?
Person 1: Cows go.
Person 2: Cows go who?
Person 1: No, silly! Cows go moo!

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A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:
Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive more...

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