Temperance Jokes

Jock once attended a Temperance lecture given by Scotland's top medical man, a noted anti-drink campaigner. The speaker began by placing a live, wriggling worm in a glass of whisky. After a moment or two it died and sank to the bottom.The speaker said quietly to the audience, "Now my friends, what does this tell us?"Jock piped up, "If you drink whisky you'll not be bothered by worms!"

A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'dtake it and throw it into the river."With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." He sat down.The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn # 365:"Shall We Gather at the River."

A preacher was completing a sermon on temperance. With great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river!"

The congregation nodded their approval. With even greater emphasis the preacher added, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river, too!"

The people clapped and said, "AMEN."

"And if I had all the whiskey in the world," said the preacher, "I'd take it and throw it into the river!"

As the reverend sat down, the song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn 365:' Shall We Gather at the River.'"

A southern minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great expression he said, ''If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'' With even greater emphasis he said, ''And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'' And then finally, he said, ''And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'' Sermon complete, he then sat down.
The song leader stood very cautiously and announced, ''For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365: 'Shall We Gather at the River.'''

A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'dtake it and throw it into the river." With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." He sat down. The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn # 365:"Shall We Gather at the River."