"The Harmonica" joke

When little Timmy saw his aunt for the first time after the holidays he thanked her for the harmonica she had given him, adding that it was the best gift he had ever received.
"I'm so glad you like it. Have you learned how to play it yet," his aunt asked.
Laughing, little Timmy replied, "Oh no, I don't play it. Mommy gives me 50 cents a day to not play it during the day and Daddy gives me $5 a week to not play it at night."

Your Mamma's so fat, when she went bungee jumping, she broke the bridge!

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there were three young poly boys on a road trip a samoan a tongan and a maori .. the tongan and maori wer in the back seet while the samoan was driving ..
the samoan lost controll and of the wheel and hit a tree ... all threee polly boys died .. they all got too the gate of more...

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If Ida Lupino married George Wendt, then divorced him to marry Ted Danson, divorced him to marry Alan Alda, then divorced him to marry Ted Knight, and divorced him to marry Shelly Long, she'd be Ida Wendt Danson Alda Knight Long.
If Whoopi Goldberg married Peter Cushing, more...

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your hairline so far back i thought u went bald in 3rd grade

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Boudreaux was feeling guilty, so he went to confession. "Father, I kinda took a leetle lumber from dat new construction site."

Priest: "What did you do with the lumber, my son"?

Boudreaux: "Well, Father, my porch, she's had a hole more...

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