"The Princess and the Frog" joke
Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond. The frog said to the princess,' I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mother and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so.'
That night, while the princess dined on frog legs, she laughed to herself and thought,' I don't fucking think so.'
(Rated R just because a guy rated the joke.)
Bob and Martha have been married for 15 years. Every morning for 15 years, Bob wakes up, farts loudly, rolls over onto his back and gets up for work.
Every morning for 15 years, Martha says, "One of these days, you're gonna fart your guts more...
A man walked up to a farmer's house, and knocked on the door. When the farmer's wife opened the door, the man asked if she knew how to have sex. Not amused, she slammed the door.Again, the man knocked, and again, he asked the same question. Again, she slammed the door and more...
Three men were waiting outside a pub for it to open so they could have drink when a policeman came upto them and asked why they were waiting there. The men told him they were waiting for it to open and he told them that the new owners couldn't open it till they had thought of more...
There was this Christian lady who had to do a lot of traveling for her business so she did a lot of flying. But flying made her nervous so she always took her Bible along with her to read and it helped relax her. One time she was sitting next to a man. When he saw her pull out more...
Our secretary heard this during a talent show at a retirement village.
A retirement village decided to hold a Singles Dance, at which this
very sweet 90-year-old gentleman met a very sweet 90-year-old lady,
and they danced and talked and laughed, and just hit it off more...