"The Speech." joke

A Schoolmaster from a remote rural area was transferred to a school in
Bombay. He reported for duty two days before August 15 and, as was the
practice in the school, was asked to address the assembly on
Independence Day.

Here's his dynamite speech:

Leddies and Gentulmens, Contemporaries, Childrens

"This is my first maiden speech. If small small mistakes get inside my
speech, I ask pardon. Stickly speaking, I wanted to joint your school
more fastly, but for the following reason.

Too much time lost in getting slipper reservation in three-tyre
compartment. The clerk rejected to give ticket. I put complaint on
station master. He said me to go to lady clerk. At first she also
rejected. I then pressed her for long time and at last with great
difficulty she gave a birth only to my son. Anyway I thanked the
station
master because he was responsible for getting birth of my son.

We got independent because of great leaders linke Gandhiji who
get-outted all angrezi peoples from India. Tilak said Swaraj is our
birth-rate and we shall halve it. Today we all halve our birth-rate.
You
children are future dynamic generators of the Nation. Look into future
time only. No backside looking, or looking at your behind. Be like
great
like X' raj Ranjan of Germany or Presidents like Loosebelt. You know
genius, no? It is one per cent perspiration and ninety seven percent
evaporation. They became great by reading great books. After we finish
you here in the school, you can go to college and get B. A., M. A. and
other decrease. Then you can become great liars in the supreme courts,
shattered accountants, or leacherers in college.

The school is like a garden. You are the seeds, school is the soil. We
will bury you in this soil, pour water of knowledge on your heads and
one day will become great phools.

Many vacancy job come in newspapers. Only yesterday I saw in paper
"Wanted for refuted engineering firm: Generators, highpower condensors"
so and so forth, etc. These jobs may be teknickel, but you can rise. If
you have flare in English, you can become teacher.

I am now ending this fastly. My God blast you! Thank you and thank God
I
am finished. Joy Hind!"

After this speech, the prinicipal cancelled the exhibition of Laurel
and
Hardy film scheduled for the afternoon.