"The Yo-Yo Diet Guide to the Jewish Holidays" joke

The Yo-Yo Diet Guide to the Jewish Holidays

Rosh Hashanah ---- Feast
Tzom Gedalia ----- Fast
Yom Kippur ------- More fasting
Sukkot ----------- Feast
Hoshanah Rabbah -- More feasting
Simchat Torah ---- Keep feasting
Month of Heshvan - No feasts or fasts for a whole month.
Get a grip on yourself.
Hanukkah --------- Eat potato pancakes
Tenth of Tevet --- Do not eat potato pancakes
Tu B'Shevat ------ Feast
Fast of Esther --- Fast
Purim ------------ Eat pastry
Passover --------- Do not eat pastry
Shavuot ---------- Dairy feast (cheesecake, blintzes etc.)
17th of Tammuz --- Fast (definitely no cheesecake or blintzes)
Nine days -------- Don't eat meat.
Might be OK to eat cheescake or blintzes.
Tish B'Av -------- Very strict fast
(don't even think about cheesecake or blintzes)
Month of Elul ---- End of cycle.