"The 9 Types of Girlfriends" joke

1) Ms. Nice Gal -' Tickets to the boxing match? Oh Darling, you shouldn't have' Also known as: What a gal, precious, one of the boys, my main squeeze, doormat Advantages: Cheerful, agreeable, kindly Disadvantages: May wise up someday

2) Old Yeller -' You G-D spineless good-for-nothing drag-ass no-talent son of a bitch! Can't you see you're making me miserable??' Also known as: She-Devil, Sourpuss, the Nag, My Old Lady, Warthog from Hell Advantages: Pays attention to you Disadvantages: Screeches, throws frying pans

3) Sickly -' Oh, my head. My head. My feet. My cramps. My cellulite' Also known as: Whiner, Mewler, Glumpy Advantages: Predictable Disadvantages: Contagious

4) The Bosser -' Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Get a haircut. Change your job. Make some money. Don't give me that look.' Also known as: Whipcracker, The Sarge, Ms. Know-it-all, Ball and Chain, yes Mom Advantages: Often right Disadvantages: Often right, but so what?

5) Ms. Vaguely Dissatisfied -' I just can't decide. Should I switch my career, goals, home, and hair color?' Also known as: The Fretter, Worrywart, Typical, Aw c'mon Honey Advantages: Easily soothed Disadvantages: Even more easily perturbed

6) Wild Woman out of Control -' I've got an idea. Lez get drunk an' make love onna front lawn. I done it before. S'fun.' Also known as: Fast girl, freewheeler, goodtime charleena, passed out Advantages: More fun than a barrel of monkeys Disadvantages: Unreliable; drives off cliffs

7) Huffy -' I see nothing humorous in those silly cartoons you keep snickering at' Also known as: No fun, humorless prig, Cold fish, Chilly proposition, iceberg, Snarly Advantages: Your friends will feel sorry for you Disadvantages: You will have no friends

8) Woman from Mars -' I believe this interpretive dance will explain how I feel about our relationship' Also known as: The Babbler, Spooky Girl, Screwball, Loony, Bad News, Artistic Advantages: Entertaining, unfathomable Disadvantages: Will read her poetry aloud

9) Ms. Dreamgirl -' I am utterly content with you just the way you are, my handsome genius of a boyfriend. I think we must make love like crazed weasels now' Also known as: Ms. Right, Goddess, Knockout, Perfection, Gorgeous Advantages: Funny, intelligent uninhibited Disadvantages: Will have nothing to do with you