"The perfect day - Him / Her" joke

THE PERFECT DAY - HER
8:45 Wake up to hugs and kisses
9:00 5lbs lighter on the scale
9:30 Light Breakfast
11:00 Sunbathe
12:30 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe
1:45 Shopping
2:30 Run into boyfriend's/husband's ex - notice she's gained 30 lbs
3:00 Facial, massage, nap
7:30 Candlelight dinner for two and dancing
10:00 Make love
11:30 Pillow talk in his big strong arms
THE PERFECT DAY - HIM
6:45 Alarm.
7:00-7:30 Shower and massage.
7:30-7:45 Blow-Job!
7:45-8:15 Massive dump while reading USA Today sports section.
8:15 Limo arrives, Stoli Bloody Marys.
8:30 Butler Aviation, O'Hare Field, Lear Jet to Augusta, Georgia.
9:30 Front nine holes, Augusta National Golf Club.
11:30-12:30 Lunch - 2 dozen oysters, 3 Heinekens.
12:30-12:45 Blow-Job!
12:45-2:30 Back nine holes, Augusta National Golf Club.
2:30 Limo to Augusta Airport, Bombay Sapphire Martini.
3:30-6:15 Nassau, Bahamas, Afternoon fishing with all female crew (topless). Catch 1249 lb. Blue Marlin. Grilled tuna and steamed lobster appetizers, six Heinekens, nap.
6:15-6:30 Blow-Job!
6:30 Lear Jet return flight, total body massage in transit.
7:30 Sh*t, shower, shave.
8:00-9:00 Watch CNN Live coverage of Bill Clintons resignation. Hillary and Al Gore are indicted in the same scandal (which involves graphic pictures and large farm animals). Dinner at Ritz Carlton, Oysters Casino, 20 oz. Filet mignons (rare), Gorgonzola salad, Fettuchini Alfredo, Chateau Lafite Rothschild 1963 (magnum) creme brulet, Louis XIV Cognac, Cohiba Lancero
10:30-11:30 Sex with 3 women (minimum of two with mixed racial origin).
11:30-12:00 Whirlpool, steam and massage. Women quietly get dressed, hail cab and leave.
Midnight Sleep