"The top 15 cool features of the Sony PlayStation 2" joke

Optional M.O.M. technology automatically yells at you to "Go outside and get some fresh air" for every hour of game play.
Built-in catheter helps extend those marathon DOOM sessions!
Makes you feel really cool for a couple of weeks, with nearly twice as many "I'll be your best friend" offers!
Broadband access enables joystick to double as a SCUD missile launcher.
You can play it naked!
Razzes you about how your country still can't even manufacture a decent television set.
Panic button switches the screen to porn whenever your wife walks in the room, so she won't think you're a game geek.
Timer automatically counts down to exact moment of obsolescence.
Groundbreaking, truly interactive technology allows you to use your own penis, or that of a friend, as a joystick.
New "Campaign 2000" edition has an Al Gore that's 33% more lifelike than the original, a George W. Bush with realistic SnortSurround sound, and a Ralph Nader which doesn't do anything for itself, but helps destruct competing models.
Special butter churn attachment for "Elijah's Virtual Churnmaster 3000" results in awesome, realistic butter churning!
Label on underside has cool recipe for vegan babaganoush.
Secret command sequence causes head of annoying dweeb who lives next door to explode.
CPU now draws a full 75% of its power from your pent-up sexual frustration.
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Cool Feature of the Sony PlayStation 2...
Highspeed internet access allows you to play online with other losers who paid $1000 for a friggin' toy.