Sony Jokes

In the wake of the Federal anti-trust
suit against Microsoft, Sony has
announced its own computer operating
system now available on its hot new
portable PC called the Vaio.
Instead of producing the cryptic
error messages characteristic of
Microsoft's Windows 95, 3. 1, and
DOS operating systems, Sony's chairman
Asai Tawara said, "We intend to capture
the high ground by putting a human,
Japanese face on what has been --
until now -- an operating system that
reflects Western cultural hegemony.
For example, we have replaced the
usual impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft
error messages with our own
Japanese haiku poetry."
The chairman went on to give examples
of Sony's new error messages:

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A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
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The Web site you more...

If Sony made toasters...Their Sony Toastman, which would be barely larger thanthe single piece of bread it is meant to toast, can beconveniently attached to your belt.

Sony, the global electronics giant, has some good news for couch potatoes. It has developed a new' remote control for your remote control', that enables the truly lazy to surf channels while moving even less muscles than before. "Our new device totally eliminates the need to stretch your arm that little bit more from your couch, to get the remote directly in front of the TV. Now the only muscle you need to move is your finger.", said a company spokesman. He also added that this was just one more step in Sony's global initiative to keep inventing technologies that turn people into furniture, and their brains into Jell-O. "We wanted to refine the product even more by making it thought-controlled, thereby completely removing the need for any sort of muscle movement at all, but this wouldn't work because most TV addicts are completely incapable of any kind of thought at all", lamented a little Japanese scientist.

Imagine if major companies from all around the world started producing or sponsoring condoms. They would become fashionable and companies would probably advertise more openly.
Imagine the trademarks:
Nike Condoms: - Just do It
Toyota Condoms: - Oh what a feeling
Ford Condoms: - The ride of your life
Sony Condoms: - Do not underestimate the power of Sony
Microsoft Condoms: - Where do you want to go today?
KFC Condoms: - Finger Licking Good
M&Ms Condoms: - Melt in your mouth, not in your hands
Coca-Cola Condom: - The Real Thing
Ever-Ready Condoms: - Keep going and going
Macintosh Condoms: - It does more, it costs less, it's that simple
Pringles Condoms: - Once you pop, you can't stop

Optional M.O.M. technology automatically yells at you to "Go outside and get some fresh air" for every hour of game play.
Built-in catheter helps extend those marathon DOOM sessions!
Makes you feel really cool for a couple of weeks, with nearly twice as many "I'll be your best friend" offers!
Broadband access enables joystick to double as a SCUD missile launcher.
You can play it naked!
Razzes you about how your country still can't even manufacture a decent television set.
Panic button switches the screen to porn whenever your wife walks in the room, so she won't think you're a game geek.
Timer automatically counts down to exact moment of obsolescence.
Groundbreaking, truly interactive technology allows you to use your own penis, or that of a friend, as a joystick.
New "Campaign 2000" edition has an Al Gore that's 33% more lifelike than the original, a George W. Bush with realistic SnortSurround sound, and a Ralph Nader more...