"Things to know" joke

The more confidential the memo, the more likely it will be left in the copy machine.
The new improved model always appears on the market just after you've bought the old model.
The person who suggests spitting the bill evenly is always the person who ordered the most expensive items
The chance of a sudden cloudburst is in direct proportion to the amount of suede your're wearing.
The novice poker player will always take home the pot
You always get sick on the second day of your vacation and always recover the day before you return to work.
The odd little noise you ignored all night will turn out to be a major disaster.
The only things super stick will bond successfully are your fingers
When a traffic light gets stuck, you will get the red.
If you aren't looking for something you've misplaced, then your're filing something you'll never be able to find.
"One size fits all" items will never fit you!
Your car insurance protects you from everything except what actually happens.