"Ticket to Heavan" joke
Three men die in a car accident after a wild Christmas eve party. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. To enter they must each present something Christ-massy.
The first man searches his pocket, and finds some mistletoe, so he is allowed in.
The second man presents a slightly crumbled cookie, in the shape of an angel, so he is also allowed in.
The third man pulls out a pair of panties.
Confused at this last gesture, the angel asks "how do these represent Christmas?"
The man explains, "Well, they're Carol's!"
A man is in court. The Judges says,"on the 3rd August you are accused of killing your wife by beating her to death with a hammer, how do you plead?"
"Guilty", said the man in the dock.
At this point a man at the back of the court stood up and shouted more...
A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because,' It's a lot of money!'
After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her more...
A
guy is in the market for a used motorcycle. He always
wanted a big Harley. He shops around, answering ads
in the newspaper, and is not having much luck. One day
he comes across a beautiful classic Harley with a for
sale" sign on it. Upon inspection, he more...
Jim decided to propose to Sandy. But prior to her acceptance, Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her breasts the maturity of a 12 year old's.
He stated that it was okay, because he loved more...
There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him.
An angel heard his plea and more...