"Tips for RednecksGeneral* Never take" joke
Tips for RednecksGeneral
* Never take a beer to a job interview.
* Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
* It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
* If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
* Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.Dining Out
* When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and
pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the wine.
* If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.Entertaining in your home
* A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
* Do not allow the dog to eat at the table...no matter how good his manners are.Personal Hygiene
* While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
* Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days.
However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
* Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.Dating (outside the family)
* Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
* Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years
ago."
* Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say
10:00 PM; Others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.Theater Etiquette
* Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.
* Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.Weddings
* Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
* Kissing the bride for
your momas so fat when she steped on a scale the scale said o shit i want ur weight not ur fone number
A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good more...
A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette. When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.
After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and more...
Person 1: Knock, Knock
Person 2: Who's there?
Person 1: Cows go.
Person 2: Cows go who?
Person 1: No, silly! Cows go moo!