"Tips for RednecksGeneral* Never take" joke

Tips for RednecksGeneral
* Never take a beer to a job interview.
* Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
* It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
* If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
* Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.Dining Out
* When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and
pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the wine.
* If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.Entertaining in your home
* A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
* Do not allow the dog to eat at the table...no matter how good his manners are.Personal Hygiene
* While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
* Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days.
However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
* Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.Dating (outside the family)
* Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
* Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years
ago."
* Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say
10:00 PM; Others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.Theater Etiquette
* Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.
* Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.Weddings
* Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
* Kissing the bride for

A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full more...

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What is the definition of eternity?
Four blondes in four cars at a four way intersection.

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Why is santa claus always so happy?
He knows where all of the bad girls live!

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A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because,' It's a lot of money!'

After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her more...

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A little boy goes up to his father and asks: "Dad, what's the difference between hypothetical and reality?"
The father replies: "Well son, I could give you the book definitions, but I feel it could be best to show you by example. Go upstairs and ask your more...

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