"Tips for RednecksGeneral* Never take" joke
Tips for RednecksGeneral
* Never take a beer to a job interview.
* Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
* It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
* If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
* Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.Dining Out
* When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and
pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the wine.
* If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.Entertaining in your home
* A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
* Do not allow the dog to eat at the table...no matter how good his manners are.Personal Hygiene
* While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
* Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days.
However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
* Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.Dating (outside the family)
* Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
* Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years
ago."
* Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say
10:00 PM; Others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.Theater Etiquette
* Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.
* Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.Weddings
* Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
* Kissing the bride for
A guy steps into an elevator and there's just one attractive woman in it.
He turns around to push the button for his floor and his elbow bumps right into her breast.
He says, "Oh, I'm so sorry. If your heart is as soft as your breast, I hope you'll be able to more...
A mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period. Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.
The more...
A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full more...
What is the definition of eternity?
Four blondes in four cars at a four way intersection.