"True Lawyer Statements" joke
Amazing and true lawyer statements. Lawyers typically aren't funny — unless by accident. Case in point: The following questions from lawyers were taken from official court records nationwide...
1) Was that the same nose you broke as a child?
2) Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?
3)
Q: What happened then?
A: He told me, he says, ‘I have to kill you because you can identify me.'
Q: Did he kill you?
4) Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?
5) The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
6) Were you alone or by yourself.
7) How long have you been a French Canadian?
8) Do you have any children or anything of that kind?
9)
Q: I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.
A: That's me.
Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?
10) Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?
11)
Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
12)
Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
A: I'll be three months on November 8.
Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?
A: Yes.
Q: What were you doing at that time?
13)
Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?
A: I used to be.
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
14) So you were gone until you returned?
15)
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there girls?
16) You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?
17)
Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
18)
Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
A: Not yet.
19) A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself and said, "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question."
20)
Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Edington at the rose Chapel?
A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that so?
A: No, you stupid, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy!
A guy steps into an elevator and there's just one attractive woman in it.
He turns around to push the button for his floor and his elbow bumps right into her breast.
He says, "Oh, I'm so sorry. If your heart is as soft as your breast, I hope you'll be able to more...
A mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period. Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.
The more...
A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full more...
What is the definition of eternity?
Four blondes in four cars at a four way intersection.