"What I Leraned In MY Lifetime So Far #1" joke

Here are some things learned in MY lifetime:
1) If you want something very bad and your parents won't let you, give them a lower lip, blink your eyes really fast, and say please 3,000 times until they crack.
2) NEVER ask your dad about Shakespeare or Math homework, unless you want a 5 hour lecture.
3) NEVER TALK TO STRANGERS unless if they have free candy and aren't Michael Jackson.
4) If anyone bullies you, just laugh and think, "MAN!, I can't wait for them to be dead."
5) If you do succeed in something, dont brag, just gloat.
6) When things look bad, give them to the homeless.
7) When you're in a fist fight, ALWAYS KNEE THEM IN THE FAMILY JEWELS then run away until it's December.
8) When your sad, don't get mad, get even.
9) When your parents are telling you something important, pretend you're listening and nod your head like you are agreeing.
10) The Holy Water at Church isn't water to drink.
11) When you get a bad grade on something, and your parents say why did you get this horrible grade, always say you did the best you could.
12) NEVER ask a dork for the time of the Bears Game.
13) When you are in love, don't do it in school, do it after school behind the dumpster.
14) When you are in trouble, urge your way to be in your room. (with the gameboy, X box, T.V. and PS2.)
15) In football, when the quarterback says HIKE, that doesn't mean that he got kicked in the ass.
16) When Spongebob rips his pants, that's normal.
17) When you are in Religion and you are daydreaming and the teacher says, "And so the answer is what, ( your name )?" Just say "GOD" it's the answer to pretty much anything. Right?
18) Always order pizza saying "Why" after every question the waiter says.
19) When people on the street are selling those suckers and they take your money to foundations, as sweet as it may be, never take the sucker, you never know where it has been.
20) When you lose the romote, look under you.
Well I hope you like these interesting things and take note to them.