"What Is The Difference Between A Tick And A Lawyer?" joke

What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A tick falls off of you when you die.
What do you call a lawyer who doesn't chase ambulances?
Retired.
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
Six. One to change the bulb and five to write the environmental impact statement.
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
1: How many can you afford?
2: It only takes one to change your bulb... to his.
What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?
The caterer.
Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons? If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever. Many years ago, a junior partner in a firm was sent to a far-away state to represent a long-term client accused of robbery. After days of trial, the case was won, the client acquitted and released. Excited about his success, the attorney telegraphed the firm: "Justice prevailed." The senior partner replied in haste: "Appeal immediately."