"Which Is Best?" joke

CONTROVERSY: Should the tree be real or fake?
YUPPIE:
Live tree, planted after use
MALE:
Fake tree, discarded after use
FEMALE:
Grow tree in house, adorned with fruits
REALITY:
Fake tree stays up until May, adorned with fur-balls

CONTROVERSY: Should tree lights twinkle or stay constant?
YUPPIE:
Each bulb blinks to its own random rhythm
MALE:
Bulbs flash logo of football team
FEMALE:
Elegant flickering candles
REALITY:
Tree bursts into flames, burns house down

CONTROVERSY: Should tree be topped with an angel or a star?
YUPPIE:
Gender-neutral angel; no submissive female stereotype
MALE:
Blonde angel, kneeling, in a wet T-shirt
FEMALE:
Authentic angel explains true meaning of Christmas
REALITY:
Hell's Angel steals the tree and the gifts

CONTROVERSY: Do ya fling or hang tinsel?
YUPPIE:
Empower each strand with self-determining skills
MALE:
Six large clumps of tinsel on front of tree
FEMALE:
Each icicle hangs like strand of delicate artwork
REALITY:
More icicles on floor than on tree

CONTROVERSY: Do ya open gifts on Christmas Eve or morning?
YUPPIE:
Gifts opened on posted, individual schedules so all enjoy surprise
MALE:
Anytime, just so it doesn't interfere with football
FEMALE:
Anytime the entire family is present
REALITY:
Doesn't matter, everyone's peeked anyway

CONTROVERSY: Ham or Turkey for Christmas Dinner?
YUPPIE:
Baked Tofu Balls stuffed with wheat germ
MALE:
Anything, as long as there's plenty of both it... and beer
FEMALE:
A meal the entire family plans and prepares
REALITY:
Chinese carry-out or McDonald's

[Thanks to Sandy (AKA Ms Sam)]