"Who is on First?" joke
Who's On First(Sketch by Bud Abbot and Lou Costello)LOU: I love baseball. When we get to St. Louis, will you tell me the guys' name on the team so when I go to see them in that St. Louis ball park I'll be able to know those fellows? BUD: All right. But you know, strange as it may seems, they give ball players nowadays very peculiar names, nick names, like "Dizzy Dean." Now on the St. Louis team we have Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third -LOU: That's what I want to find out. I want you to tell me the names of the fellows on the St. Louis team.BUD: I'm telling you. Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third -LOU: You know the fellows' names? BUD: Yes.LOU: Well, then who's playin' first.BUD: YesLOU: I mean the fellow's name on first base.BUD: Who.LOU: The fellow playin' first base for St. Louis.BUD: Who.LOU: The guy on first base.BUD: Who is on first.LOU: Well, what are you askin' me for? BUD: I'm not asking you - I'm telling you. WHO IS ON FIRST.LOU: I'm asking you - who's on first? BUD: That's the man's name! LOU: That's who's name? BUD: Yes.LOU: Well, go ahead and tell me.BUD: Who.LOU: The guy on first.BUD: Who.LOU: The first baseman.BUD: Who is on first.LOU: Have you got a first baseman on first? BUD: Certainly.LOU: Then who's playing first? BUD: Absolutely.LOU: (pause) When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money? BUD: Every dollar of it. And why not, the man's entitled to it.LOU: Who is? BUD: Yes.LOU: So who gets it? BUD: Why shouldn't he? Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.LOU: Who's wife? BUD: Yes. After all the man earns it.LOU: Who does? BUD: Absolutely.LOU: Well all I'm trying to find out is what's the guys name on first base.BUD: Oh, no, no, What is on second base.LOU: I'm not asking you who's on second.BUD: Who's on first.LOU: That's what I'm trying to find out.BUD: Well, don't change the players around.LOU: I'm not changing nobody.BUD: Now, take it easy.LOU: What's the guy's name on first base? BUD: What's the guy's name on second base.LOU: I'm not askin' ya who's on second.BUD: Who's on first.LOU: I don't know.BUD: He's on third. We're not talking about him.LOU: How could I get on third base? BUD: You mentioned his name.LOU: If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is playing third? BUD: No, Who's playing first.LOU: Stay offa first, will ya? BUD: Well what do you want me to do? LOU: Now what's the guy's name on first base? BUD: What's on second.LOU: I'm not asking ya who's on second.BUD: Who's on first.LOU: I don't know.BUD: He's on third.LOU: There I go back on third again.BUD: Well, I can't change their names.LOU: Say, will you please stay on third base.BUD: Please. Now what is it you want to know.LOU: What is the fellow's name on third base.BUD: What is the fellow's name on second base.LOU: I'm not askin' ya who's on second.BUD: Who's on first.LOU: I don't know.BUD: THIRD BASE! LOU: You got an outfield? BUD: Oh, sure.LOU: St. Louis has got a good outfield? BUD: Oh, absolutely.LOU: The left fielder's name? BUD: Why.LOU: I don't know, I just thought I'd ask.BUD: Well, I just thought I'd tell you.LOU: Them tell me who's playing left field.BUD: Who's playing first.LOU: Stay out of the infield! BUD: Don't Don't mention any names out here.LOU: I want to know what's the fellow's name on left field? BUD: What is on second.LOU: I'm not askin' ya who's on second.BUD: Who is on first.LOU: I don't know.BUD & LOU: (together and calmly) Third base.LOU: And the left fielder's name? BUD: Why.LOU: Because.BUD: Oh he's Center Field.LOU: (whimpers) Center field.BUD: Yes.LOU: Wait a minute. You got a pitcher on this team.BUD: Wouldn't this be a fine team without a pitcher.LOU: I don't know. Tell me the pitcher's name.BUD: Tomorrow.LOU: You don't want to tell me today? BUD: I'm tell you, man.LOU: Then go ahead.BUD: Tomorrow.LOU: What time? BUD: What time what? LOU: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's pitching? BUD: Now listen, Who is not pitching. Who is on -LO
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