"Women's translations" joke

WOMEN? S LANGUAGE TRANSLATED
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
I? m sorry. = You? ll be sorry.
We need... = I want
It? s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now. Do what you want... = You? ll pay for this later. We need to talk... = I need to complain Sure... go ahead = I don? t want you to.
I? m not upset = Of course I? m upset, you moron! You? re so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot. You? re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about? Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs. This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house. I want new curtains =. .. and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper..... Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there! I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep. Do you love me? = I? m going to ask for something expensive. How much do you love me? = I did something today you? re really not going to like.
I? ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
Am I fat? = Tell me I? m beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.
Are you listening to me!? = Too late, you? re dead.
Was that the baby? = Why don? t you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.
I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.
In response to What? s wrong?:
The same old thing = Nothing
Nothing = Everything
Nothing, really = It? s just that you? re such an idiot!