"Woodstock Top 16 reasons people arent buying tickets" joke

As most of you probably know, they are holding a Woodstock 25th anniversary concert (as well as another competing one nearby) 2 weeks from now (if you don't know what Woodstock was, ask your parents! :) )
Here, taken from a Knight-Ridder story in the local paper yesterday, are 16 reasons people aren't clamoring to buy tickets (the promoters still have 100,000 to sell to meet their goal of 250,000):
They remember how much better the movie was than the real thing.
They have to buy a four-ticket pack and couldn't find three friends who wanted to wallow in the mud for a weekend.
Who needs to go to the show when you can buy the T-shirt at K-Mart?
Already spent the next 5 years' ticket budget on the Eagles, Pink Floyd and/or Barbra Streisand.
They're afraid the brown cappuccino might be bad.
$1,000 a night for a hotel room without Magic Fingers. [A broker reportedly bought up all the nearby hotel rooms, and this is apparently what they're charging for a room at Holiday Inn.]
No guarantee that the weather will let them chant, "No rain! No rain!"
Not enough fax outlets or portable phone cells to follow the Dow.
Sha Na Na decided to play at Bethel [the other concert] instead of Woodstock. [Ask your parents about this group, too.]
No outlets for hair dryers.
What's the use of having a BMW if the parking lot's a mile away?
Parents remember going to the first one - but that's *all* they can tell you.
Still having flashbacks to the last scout jamboree.
Might miss live telecasts of O.J.Simpson jury selection.
Moshed out at Lollapalooza.
"We are stardust/We are golden/We'll stay home where it's air conditioned."