Woodstock Jokes

In the morning I pour coffee in my travel mug and drink about half of it on my way to work. In the afternoon it is still piping hot. Ain't summertime great.
I don't worry about Bill Clinton any more, but those 47 million people who voted for him in 1996 scare me. They'll still be around long after Bill is gone.
A gentleman always remembers a lady's birthday, but never her age.
I hope no one else famous dies for a few months. I don't think we can take much more of this.
I did not go to Woodstock '69, but I wish I had. I did not go to Woodstock '99 and I am glad I didn't.
Take it from me, I work at a Waffle House, and, Yes, there are many hungry drunks after midnight.
They've already spent millions looking for Eric Rudolph, so why wouldn't the FBI just fork out another $39.95 to that company that "guarantees" it can find anyone in the U.S.?
My weight control specialist got offended when I told him he was the best fat doctor in the city.
I'll more...

As most of you probably know, they are holding a Woodstock 25th anniversary concert (as well as another competing one nearby) 2 weeks from now (if you don't know what Woodstock was, ask your parents! :) )
Here, taken from a Knight-Ridder story in the local paper yesterday, are 16 reasons people aren't clamoring to buy tickets (the promoters still have 100,000 to sell to meet their goal of 250,000):
They remember how much better the movie was than the real thing.
They have to buy a four-ticket pack and couldn't find three friends who wanted to wallow in the mud for a weekend.
Who needs to go to the show when you can buy the T-shirt at K-Mart?
Already spent the next 5 years' ticket budget on the Eagles, Pink Floyd and/or Barbra Streisand.
They're afraid the brown cappuccino might be bad.
$1,000 a night for a hotel room without Magic Fingers. [A broker reportedly bought up all the nearby hotel rooms, and this is apparently what they're charging for a room at more...