"You Might Be A Lutheran If... #12" joke
...you think tuna hotdish is a gourmet meal.. ..your idea of an affirmation is "This is most certainly true.". ..you feel guilty about not feeling guilty.. ..it's 110 degrees outside and you still have coffee after services.. ..change means wearing your brown suit instead of your blue suit to church.. ..you read your Catechism and start arguing theology with yourself because no one else is around.. ..the most mail you receive all year is from the Stewardship Committee.. ..you take your grandfather to McDonalds for breakfast and he asks for a large order of McLefsa.. ..you win $10 million in the lottery and decide to throw a party and money is no object, so you advertise in the church bulletin, rent the parish hall, and ask all of your friends to bring a side dish or salad.
The pastor at Sven and Ole`s church was giving a rousing heaven or hell sermon one Sunday. At the end, minister commands "Whoever wants to go to heaven, stand up." Everyone except Sven and Ole stand. The pastor walks over to them, looks them directly in the eye and more...
When Ole quit farming, he discovered that he was the only Lutheran in his new little town of Catholics. That was okay, but the neighbors had a problem with his barbequing beef every Friday. Since they couldn't eat meat on Friday, the tempting aroma was getting the best of them. more...
...a midlife crisis means switching from the old hymnbook to the new one.. ..you forget to put water in the baptismal font but never forget to put water in the coffee pot.. ..the pastor skips the last hymn to make sure church lasts exactly 60 minutes.. ..you make spaghetti at more...
...your LCMS pastor refers to St. Louis as "the holy city.". ..at Thanksgiving you serve lutefisk and try to convince your kids it's really a turkey.. ..you're at an evangelistic rally and you actually manage to raise your hands waist high.. ..the only mealtime prayer more...
...doughnuts are in the official church budget.. ..they have to rope off the last pews in church so the front isn't empty.. ..you're watching "Star Wars" in the theatre and when they say, "May the force be with you," the theatre replies, "and also with more...