"You Might Be A Lutheran If... #9" joke
...you think the communion wafers are too spicy.. ..your mother reminds you often that she wishes you'd studied the organ.. .. you dress up as your favorite reformer for Halloween.. ..your mother could give any Jewish mother a run for the money in the guilt department.. ..you think lime Jell-O with cottage cheese and pineapple is a gourmet salad.. ..you think that an ELCA Lutheran bride and an LCMS groom make for a "mixed marriage.". ..Folgers has you on their Christmas list.. ..your congregation's first two operating rules are "Don't change" and "Don't spend."
The pastor at Sven and Ole`s church was giving a rousing heaven or hell sermon one Sunday. At the end, minister commands "Whoever wants to go to heaven, stand up." Everyone except Sven and Ole stand. The pastor walks over to them, looks them directly in the eye and more...
When Ole quit farming, he discovered that he was the only Lutheran in his new little town of Catholics. That was okay, but the neighbors had a problem with his barbequing beef every Friday. Since they couldn't eat meat on Friday, the tempting aroma was getting the best of them. more...
...a midlife crisis means switching from the old hymnbook to the new one.. ..you forget to put water in the baptismal font but never forget to put water in the coffee pot.. ..the pastor skips the last hymn to make sure church lasts exactly 60 minutes.. ..you make spaghetti at more...
...your LCMS pastor refers to St. Louis as "the holy city.". ..at Thanksgiving you serve lutefisk and try to convince your kids it's really a turkey.. ..you're at an evangelistic rally and you actually manage to raise your hands waist high.. ..the only mealtime prayer more...
...doughnuts are in the official church budget.. ..they have to rope off the last pews in church so the front isn't empty.. ..you're watching "Star Wars" in the theatre and when they say, "May the force be with you," the theatre replies, "and also with more...