"You Might be a Michigander" joke

You Might be a Michigander...
If you define Summer as three months of bad sledding...
If your definition of a small town is one that doesn't have a lake...
If your family breaks into violence during the UM-MSU game (any
sport!)...
If snow tires come standard on all your cars...
If at least 50% of your relatives work for the auto industry...
If you have ever gotten frostbitten and sunburned in the same week...
If you can identify an Ohio accent...
If owning a Japanese car was a hanging offense in your home town...
If you learned to pilot a boat before the training wheels were off your
bike...
If you think Alkaline batteries were named after a Tiger outfielder...
If you point at the palm of your right hand when telling people where you
grew up...
If you don't understand what the big deal about Chicago is...
If someone aks you if you've been to Europe and you answer, "No, but I've
been to Ann Arbor"...
If "Down South" to you means Toledo...
If you have any idea who Bob Ufer was...
If octopus and hockey go together as naturally as hot dogs and
baseball...
If traveling coast to coast means going from Port Huron to Muskegon...
If you think "going up north" would be a great vacation....in January...
If you refer to your relatives in southern Michigan as "trolls" or
"lopers"...
If the "Big Three" can mean either Ford, Chrysler and GM or Domino's,
Little Ceasar's and Hungry Howie's...
If a Big Mac is something you can drive across...
If you have no problem spelling Mackinac Island...
If you had to get a passport to go to Ohio...
If you have as many Canadian coins in your pockets as American ones...
If your kid's baseball and softball games have ever been snowed out...
If the trees in your backyard have spigots...
If you know that a place called "Kalamazoo" really exists...
If you bake with "soda" and drink "pop"...
If you know what a pastie is...
If you drive 70 mph on the highway and pass on the right...
If your favorite hockey team's mascot is an octopus...
If you have a favorite hockey team...
If you don't have a coughing fit from one sip of Vernor's...
If you know how to play Euchre...