"You know you seriously need to diet when..................." joke

All of your pants have an elastic waistband
You are done eating and you can hear your skin actually stretch
You have your cholesterol checked and it comes back: BACON
It takes 2 hands to masturbate 1 to hold your stomach up and the other 1 to do it.
Your sweat smells like hot dog water
You have your own gravitational pull
The all you can eat buffet cuts you off
Richard Simmons comes to your house
Just hearing the word bacon, hotdog, and buffet make you hungry
You’re a stunt double for John Goodman

If this is you or someone you know get help before they have to cut the wall out!