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Rules of Hollywood
1. Two persons never share the same name. There are plenty of names to go around for everybody, even if it means you have to assume a name like Dharma, Baby, Clark, or Chandler.
2. If you're an expert at martial arts, one single kick can hit your opponent four or five times.
3. If a police car is in sight, you should move away quickly, because it will be blown into pieces or crash.
4. Police officers in uniform are disposable items.
5. If you find yourself in a critical situation, Plan A never works. Nor does plan B. However, the least likely to work Plan E or Plan F, will work.
6. If you should face an army with trained soldiers, don't worry. They are all very bad shooters, and will make visible easy targets with no intention to seek cover.
7. If you are the first one in your party being chased by something/someone evil, you are likely to bite the dust. If, in this case, you are a girl, you will fall over at least once. If you are a guy you will stand up to the enemy, and die even faster. If, on the other hand, you are the one chasing the enemy, you will succeed and become a hero.
8. Ball games are always decided in the last second. Your team always wins.
9. It is perfectly acceptable to kill hundreds of people to save one single life.
10. Dogs are very lucky animals. There is always someone willing to risk their life to save a dog.
11. English really is the universal language. All alien life forms with enough intelligence to communicate will understand English.
12. When eating a meal, you must always leave one side of the table open, even if it means you have to cram the rest of the party together.
13. All school classes always start with the ring of the bell, and they all finish at the exact same time at the sound of the bell. School hallways are emptied and filled within a matter of seconds.
14. Undercover agents lead an interesting, yet predictable life; The bad guys just won't let you do you job. Instead, they'll be giving you the guilt trip of your life when you try to put them behind bars, and the leader will probably get away with or without your help. But on the other hand, you will hook up with a beautiful, innocent friend of the gang.
15. It's perfectly normal, and makes perfect sense to order a drink in a bar, and then just leave.
16. Animals with a brain the size of a peanut are not as stupid as they may seem. Not only do they want to eat you, they also want personal revenge for lost family members and to humiliate you completely.
17. Bad things usually happen at night. Daylight is the ultimate solution to evil.
18. Children need to work on their credibility. They see and hear the darnest things, yet grown-ups never believe them.
19. Firearms are not to be mistaken for – although their capability and function may suggest otherwise – long-distance weapons. When threatening to shoot someone with a gun or a rifle, you must stand close enough for your opponent to be able to grab your weapon.
20. Rewinding or fast forwarding a video cassette or an answering machine makes fast, high-pitch sounds.