Milk Jokes / Recent Jokes
The new FDA milk labeling rules are so strict, it's now illegal to print a picture of a missing fat kid on a carton of skim milk.
1. You stand in "line-ups" at the movie, not lines.2. You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk"3. You understand the phrase, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine"4. You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.5. You drink pop, not soda.6. You know what it means to be on pogey.7. You know that a mickey and 2-4's mean "Party at the camp, eh!!"8. You don't hold your hand on your breast when you sing the national anthem.9. You can drink legally while still a 'teen.10. You know that francophones, anglophones and allophones are not electronic devices.11. You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.12. You don't know or care about the fuss with Cuba, it's just a cheap place to travel to and has good cigars.13. When there is a social problem, you turn to your government to fix it instead of telling them to stay out of it.14. You're not sure if the leader of our nation has EVER had sex and don't want to more...
A man knocked on a door an a women answered and he asked if he could use her toilet. She said you have 3 chances, if you do 3 things wrong I`ll call the police. So he went to piss but on the flush chain there was a bra so he ripped it off. Then when he was walking down the stairs he saw her cat called Boobs on the step & he hates cats so he squezed it & then threw it up the stairs. He then went in the kitchen where the women was & the women said why did you throw my cat up the stairs? He said I don`t know.
While she went to get it, on the table was a glass of milk which he then drank. When the women came back she said you had your 3 chances now I’m calling the Police. When the police came they asked her what the man had done. She said this man has ripped her bra off, squezed her Boobs and drank her milk.
After much urging by his wife, Bubba applied for work on a farm. The foreman decided to give him a try and told him to milk a cow, equipping him with a stool and a bucket.
An hour later, Bubba returned dirty and sweaty, the bucket in one hand and the broken stool in the other.
"Extracting the milk was easy," he explained. "The hardest part was getting the cow to sit on the stool!"
I always leave an empty milk carton in the refrigerator just in case someone wants their coffee black.
Here are the reactions when somebody leaves a glass of milk next to the keyboard.
Optimist:
The glass is half full.
Pessimist:
The glass is half empty.
Apple Computer:
You guys really oughta be drinking Perrier.
Assembly programmers:
No thanks; I drink straight from the cow.
Basic programmers:
No thanks; I'm still breast feeding.
Bill Gates:
Not enough market share to be Microsoft Milk.
C Programmers:
No thanks; I drink straight from the jug.
CIA:
What makes you think that's milk?
National news media:
Hey, we wanted OJ!
Non-procedural language programmers:
I drank it when nobody was looking.
NSA:
We know what it really is.
Paranoid:
Here is a glass just sitting here. Why? Who put it here? WHY WHY WHY!!! SOMEONE IS TRYING TO KILL ME!!!!!
Pascal programmers:
Well, what type of milk is it?
Pentium users:
I drank Glass *. 49999999. . . but don't hold more...