Milk Jokes / Recent Jokes
Ingredients:
2 Loving Eyes
2 Loving Arms
2 Well Shaped Legs
2 Firm Milk Containers
1 Fur Lined mixing Bowl
2 Large Nuts
1 Large Banana (small will do)
Method:
1. Look into Loving Eyes.
2. Fold in Loving Arms.
3. Spread Well Shaped Legs.
4. Squeeze and massage milk Containers gently until Fur Lined Mixing Bowl is well greased. Check frequently with middle finger.
5. Add Banana - work in and out until well creamed.
6. Cover with Nuts and sigh with relief.
**Cake done when Banana becomes soft. Be sure to wash mixing utensils and don't lick the bowl.
Warning: If cake begins to rise leave town immediately.!!!!
Farmer John had just walked into the local watering hole, when who should he see, but his old friend Chris the tractor salesman sitting up at the bar. Chris looked so down and dejected, that John just had to go up and say something to him. "Say, Chris, how ya doing? How's the tractor selling business these days?" If Chris had looked sad before, at the mention of tractor sales, his face sank even more, and a tear came to his eye. "John," he said, shaking his head, "I don't know what it is. I can't sell a tractor these days to save my life. I'll tell you, I just gotta sell one tractor and soon, or else I'll lose that dealership for good." "Well," John said, taking the barstool next to him, "If you think you got it bad, I got it worse. Now you listen to this...." "I went out to the barn the other morning to milk Bessy. That ol' cow gets more ornery as the years go by. Anyway, no sooner did I sit down on the milking stool and get to more...
There was a gentleman living in a small village who unfortunately had
a stomach disorder that required him to drink the milk of a nursing mother.
Well there weren't too many women in the village nursing babies and even fewer
who would agree to allow a grown man to suck on their breast. But lo and
behold, the poor man finally found a rather buxom young girl who recently had
given birth who was willing to help him out -- for a price. The man was
desparate because his condition was growing worse, so he agreed to pay the
woman the amount of money she demanded. After all, the woman had a new born
baby to care for and the father had abandoned them to their fate.
The first day was a bit awkward as the man showed up and, with a bit
of anxiety and embarrassment, leaned over and began to suck on the woman's
breast. Well weeks went by and the awkwardness began to fade.
One day, the woman realized that the man's sucking was more...
Recipe for Banana Bread Ingredients: 2 Laughing Eyes 2 Loving Arms 2 Well Shaped Legs 2 Firm Milk Containers 1 Fur Lined Mixing Bowl 2 Large Nuts 1 Large Banana Method: 1. Look into Loving Eyes. 2. Fold in Loving Arms. 3. Spread Well Shaped Legs. 4. Squeeze and massage Milk Containers gently until Fur Lined Mixing Bowl is well greased. Check frequently with middle finger. 5. Add Banana - work in and out until well creamed. 6. Cover with Nuts and sigh with relief. Cake done when Banana becomes soft. Be sure to wash mixing utensils and don't lick the bowl. N. B. If cake begins to rise leave town immediately.
Should you receive an email entitled "Badtimes", delete it immediately. Do NOT open it. Apparently, this is a pretty nasty one.
Not only will it erase everything on your hard drive, it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer.
It will demagnetize the strips on ALL of your credit cards.
It will reprogram your ATM access code, screw up the tracking on your VCR and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you may attempt to play.
It will program your phone auto dial to call only your mother-in-law's number.
It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, but will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.
It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings which will grossly change the interpretations of key sentences.
Should the "Badtimes" message be opened in a Windows 98 environment, it will leave the more...
Ol' farmer John had just walked into the local watering hole, when who
should he see, but his old friend Chris the tractor salesman sitting
up at the bar. Chris looked so down and dejected, that John just had
to go up and say something to him.
"Say, Chris, how ya doing? How's the tractor selling business
these days?"
If Chris had looked sad before, at the mention of tractor sales, his
face sank even more, and a tear came to his eye.
"John," he said, shaking his head, "I don't know what it is. I
can't sell a tractor these days to save my life. I'll tell you, I just
gotta sell one tractor and soon, or else I'll lose that dealership for
good."
"Well," John said, taking the barstool next to him, "If you think you
got it bad, I got it worse. Now you listen to this...."
"I went out to the barn the other morning to milk Bessy. That ol' cow
gets more ornery as the more...