Milk Jokes / Recent Jokes
Ole and Sven are neighbors in Minnesota. Ole is in need of a new milk cow. He hears about a nice one for sale over the border in Wisconsin. He drives over to Wisconsin, looks at the cow, and reaches under to see if she gives milk. When he grabs the teat and pulls, the cow farts. Ole is very surprised, looks at the farmer who is selling the cow, and reaches under the cow to try again. He grabs another teat, pulls, and the cow farts again. Milk does come out, however, so after some discussion, Ole decides to buy the cow anyway and take it home. He calls over his neighbor, Sven, and says, "Come here and look at dis new cow I yust
bought. Pull her teat and see vat happens dere." Sven reaches under and pulls; the cow farts. Sven looks at Ole and says, "You bought dis cow over dere in Visconsin, yah?" Ole is very surprised and says, "Yah, dats right, how did you know dat?" Sven says, "My vife is from Visconsin!"
DEFINING SOCIETIES VIA THE OWNERSHIP OF 2 COWSFEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.DICTATORSHIP: You have two more...
Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs are. The first man was an engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist and the fourth was a Government Worker.
To show off, the Engineer called to his dog, "T-square, do your stuff!". T-square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen, and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.
Everyone agreed that was pretty smart. But the Accountant said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Slide Rule, do your stuff!". Slide Rule went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each.
Everyone agreed that was good. But the Chemist said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Measure, do your stuff!". Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop.
Everyone more...
A man walks in a T-shirt shop. There are three T-shirts on display.
The 1st has a picture of Richard Nixon with a white mustache. Below the picture is titled, "Got milk."
The 2nd T-shirt has a picture of Ronald Reagan with a
white mustache on it. Below this picture it is titled, "Forgot milk."
The 3rd T-shirt has a picture of Monica Lewinsky with a white mustache on it, and the title on this shirt reads, "Not milk."
What do you get when you have a cow and a duck? Milk and quackers.
What does an envelope say when you lick it? Nothing, it just shuts up.
What does Michael Jackson call his "Tickle-me Elmo" doll? Bait.
What goes "99 thump 99 thump 99 thump...?" A centipede with a wooden leg.
What goes "Tick tock, woof woof"? A watch dog.
What is a reptile's favorite movie? The Lizard of Oz.
What is Beethoven doing in his coffin right now? Decomposing.
What kind of reptile tells time? A clock-odile.
What kind of snack do little monkeys have with their milk? Chocolate chimp cookies.
What magazine do cats like to read? Good Mousekeeping.
What's happening when you hear "woof...splat...meow...splat?" It's raining cats and dogs.
What do you get when you have a cow and a duck? Milk and quackers.What does an envelope say when you lick it? Nothing, it just shuts up.What does Michael Jackson call his "Tickle-me Elmo" doll? Bait.What goes "99 thump 99 thump 99 thump...?"A centipede with a wooden leg.What goes "Tick tock, woof woof"? A watch dog.What is a reptile's favorite movie? The Lizard of Oz.What is Beethoven doing in his coffin right now? Decomposing.What kind of reptile tells time? A clock-odile.What kind of snack do little monkeys have with their milk? Chocolate chimp cookies.What magazine do cats like to read? Good Mousekeeping.What's happening when you hear "woof...splat...meow...splat?" It's raining cats and dogs.