Most Discussed

(To be left on an answering machine, or as a general prank call)
"You know, the strangest thing happened to me today... I asked the devil for a condom, and he gave me three. I asked the devil for a dollar, and he gave me ten. Then I asked the devil for a ho and he gave me this number."

How do you know how a blonde has been using a car?
theresa condom on the stick shift

These four guys were walking down the street, a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean, and a New Yorker.
A reporter comes running up and says, "Excuse me, what is your opinion about the meat shortage?"
The Saudi says, "Excuse me, what's a shortage?"
The Russian says, "Excuse me, what's meat?"
The North Korean says, "Excuse me, what's an opinion?"
The New Yorker, says, "Excuse me? What's excuse me?

You smell so bad that if there were ass scented air freshiners your face would be on them

there is 3 aliens that come to earth;the first one goes to an opera and learns how to say mememe.The second alien goes to a restaraunt and learns how to say forks&knives forks&knives.The third one goes to a candyshop and learns how to say goody goody gum drops goody goody gum drops.
So the next day a cop says " there was a murder that happened and I would like to know if anyone of you murdered the boy" so the first alien says "mememe," so the cop says "what did you use to kill the person?" the second one says" forks & knives forks& knives" so the cop replies " you know your going to have to go to jail for this" the third alien says "goody goody gum drops goody goody gum drops!"

Q. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A. Slow down and use a lubricant.
Q. What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women crazy?
A. Money
Q. What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A. After five years your job will still suck.
Q. What's the difference between you and your paycheck?
A. Your wife will blow your check.
Q. What's the definition of a male chauvinist pig?
A. A man who hates every bone in a woman's body except his own.
Q. Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds?
A. Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.
Q. What do blondes and the Bermuda triangle have in common?
A. They've both swallowed a lot of seamen.
Q. How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.
Q. Who is the most popular guy at the nudist beach?
A. The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.
Q. Who is the more...

Jones is checking out of a hotel when suddenly he hasto take a shit real bad.The toilet in his room isn't working, so he bolts downto use the lobby Men's Room, but all of the stalls areoccupied, so he runs back up to his room, and indesperation, he drops his pants, uproots a plant, andtakes a shit in the pot. Then he puts the plant back inthe pot and leaves.Two weeks later, he gets a postcard from the hotel thatsays, "Dear Mr. Jones, All is forgiven. Just tell us...where is it?"