200 Jokes / Recent Jokes
A guy goes over to his friend's house, rings the bell, and the wife answers. "Hi, is Boris home?" asked Ned. "No, he went to the store." replied the wife.
"Well, you mind if I wait?" asked Ned. "No, come in." responded the wife.
They sit down and the friend says, "You know Sue, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks if I could just see one." Sue thinks about this for a second and figures what the hell - a hundred bucks. She opens her robe and shows one. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table.
They sit there a while longer and Ned says, "They are so beautiful. I've got to see the both of them. I'll give you another hundred bucks if I could just see the both of them together." Sue thinks about this and thinks what the hell, opens her robe, and gives Ned a nice long look. Ned thanks her, throws another hundred bucks on the table, and then says he can't more...
A dying farmer is having trouble deciding which of his three sons to give his farm to. After calling them all in he says:
"I will give you each a duck and which ever one of you can get the most for it can have the farm."
After the brief meeting with their father all of the sons go out to sell the duck. The first son runs int a drunk that says he will give the son $100 for the duck. The second son find a kid who will give him $200 of his parents' money for the duck. The third son goes to a whore house and askes a prostitute if she will have sex with him for the duck and she agrees. After they have is the prostitute says:
"That was good let's do it again, I'll, um, give you this duck for it!"
An hour later the third son is walking with the duck and it goes into the middle of the road and gets hit by an eighteen-wheeler. The driver gets out and hands him a wad of cash for the duck. The next day the farmer more...
REDMOND, Wash. - Oct. 23, 1997 -- In direct response to accusations made by the Department of
Justice, the Microsoft Corp. announced today that it will be acquiring the federal government
of the United States of America for an undisclosed sum.
"It's actually a logical extension of our planned growth", said Microsoft chairman Bill Gates,
"It really is going to be a positive arrangement for everyone".
Microsoft representatives held a briefing in the oval office of the White House with
U. S. President Bill Clinton, and assured members of the press that changes will be "minimal".
The United States will be managed as a wholly owned division of Microsoft. An initial public
offering is planned for July of next year, and the federal government is expected to be
profitable by "Q4 1999 at latest", according to Microsoft president Steve Ballmer.
In a related announcement, Bill Clinton stated that he had more...
Unable to attend the funeral after his father died, a son who lived far away called his brother and told him, "Do something nice for Dad and send me the bill." Later, he got a bill for $200. 00, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200. 00, which he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense. Bills for $200. 00 kept arriving every month, and finally the man called his brother again to find out what was going on. "Well," said the other brother, "you said to do something nice for Dad. So I rented him a tuxedo."
This was originally posted in rec. sport. pro-wrestlingDate: 1999/03/04Author: briang68g@gearthlink. netI like monkeys. The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. Ithought that odd since they were normally a couple thousand. I decided notto look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys. I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed. Then they punched my genitals. I stopped laughing. I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their newenvironment. They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch at highspeeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectaclelost its novelty halfway into its third hour. Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive, theyall died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta' dropped dead. Kinda' like when you buy a more...
What has 200 legs, 50 noses, and is very loud? A herd of stampeding aardvarks!
A guy is dating three women and can't decide which one to marry. He gives each $1,000 to see how well they can manage money. The first one spends $800 and puts $200 in the bank. The second one spends $200 and puts $800 in the bank. The third one puts the whole $1,000 in the bank. Which one does he end up marrying? The most beautiful one..