Genitals Jokes

The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought this was odd since they were normally a couple thousand. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth so I bought 200 of them. I like monkeys. I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one of drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in the genitals. I laughed. They punched me in the genitals. I stopped laughing. I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech and hurl themselves off the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into it's third hour. Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive; they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sort of dropped dead. Kinda like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Goddamn cheap monkeys. I didn't know what to do. There were more...

Most Middle Eastern countries recognise the following Islamic law: "After having sexual relations with a lamb, it is a mortal sin to eat its flesh."

In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.

In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is forbidden from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.

Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.

There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time. Reason: under Guam law, it is more...

A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar and turns to the astonished patrons.
"I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."
The crowd murmured their approval.
The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped.
After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head.
The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.
The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered.
The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try".
A more...

A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar and turns to the astonished patrons." I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink." The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try". A hush fell over the crowd. After a more...

Editor's note: Someone forwarded me this little essay, and although I really don't know the point, it's weird enough to warrant a posting.

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i like monkeys

the pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. i thought this was odd since they are normally a couple thousand. i decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth so i bought 200 of them. i like monkeys.

i took my 200 monkeys home. i have a big car. i let one drive. his name was signund. he was retarded. in fact, none of them were really bright. they kept punching themselves in the genitals. i laughed. they punched me in the genitals. i stopped laughing.

i herded them into my room. they didn't adapt very well to their new environment. they would screech and hurl themselves off the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. altough humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into the third hour.

two hours later, i found out why all more...