2000 Jokes / Recent Jokes

BEIJING, CHINA--After two weeks of remarkable success against the world's finest athletes, the Chinese National Olympic Team was carefully disassembled and put back into storage yesterday, placed in a specially designed, high-tech cryogenic freezing pod for preservation until the 2000 Olympics in Sydney, Australia. "You have brought great honor to your nation," said Chinese Prime Minister Deng Xiaoping during a ceremony before more than 800, 000 in Beijing's Tiananmen Square. "Now we must remove your sculpted limbs from your muscular torsos and return you to your sarcophagi so that you may achieve even greater glories for the People's Republic in the future." Amid great cheers from the crowd, Deng then pulled a switch, lowering the athletes into the $440 million, titanium-reinforced, liquid radon-cooled absolute zero temperature athlete preservation chamber, where they will be preserved in a perfect state of suspended animation until July 2000. The elite 120-member more...

A SHORT HISTORY OF MEDICINE: "Doctor, I have an ear ache."
2000 B. C. - "Here, eat this root."
1000 B. C. - "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
1850 A. D. - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion."
1940 A. D. - "That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill."
1985 A. D. - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic."
2000 A. D. - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!"

They have got to be joking! Only in America....................!!!

In 1994, a New Mexico jury awarded $ 2. 9 million U. S. in damages to 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who suffered third-degree burns to her legs, groin and buttocks after spilling a cup of McDonald's coffee on herself.
This case inspired an annual award - The "Stella" Award - for the most frivolous lawsuit in the U. S. The ones listed below are clear candidates.
All these cases are verging on the outright ridiculous and yet with the right attorney you could win anything! (see OJ trial)
1. January 2000: Kathleen Robertson of Austin Texas was awarded
780, 000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running amok inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving tyke was Ms. Robertson's son.
2. June 1998: A 19 year old, Carl Truman of Los Angeles won 74, 000 and medical more...

Beers For Geeks
DOS Beer:
Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz can, but now comes in a 16-oz can. However, the can is divided into 8 compartments of 2-oz each, which have to be accessed separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after it's no longer available.
MAC Beer:
At first, came only in a 16-oz can, but now comes in a 32-oz can. Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag your empties to the waste bin.
Windows 95 Beer:
The world's most popular beer. Comes in a 16-oz can that looks a lot like Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own more...

Having just graduated from Harvard, the young man was very excited thinking about his future. Getting into a taxi, the driver says to him, "How are you on this beautiful, sunny day?"
"I'm the class of 2000. I just graduated from Harvard and I'm very excited about getting out there and seeing what the world has in store for me!"
The driver shakes the young man's hand and replies, "Congratulations young man. I'm George, Class of 1968."

Bill Gates was in India a few days ago.
He announced that Microsoft plans to release a windows2000
version in Hindi. Here are some Windows related terms
that may be used in the Hindi version of...
Windows 2000: Khirkiyan 2000

File - Phaail
Save - Bachao
Save as - Aise Bachao
Save All - Subko Bachao
Help - Mujhe Bachao
Select - Chuno
Select All - Sab Chuno
Find - Dhoondo
Find Again - Firse Dhoondo
Move - Hilao
Mail - Dak
Mailer - Dakiya
Zoom - Paas se dhekho
Zoom Out - Dhoor se dhekho
Open - Kholo
Close - Band Karo
New - Naya
Replace - Badli Karo
Run - Bhaago
Print - Chaapo
Print Preview - Dekh Ke Chaapo
Copy - Teepo
Cut - Kaato
Paste - Chipkao
Paste Special - Jayada Chipkao
Delete - Dho dalo
View - Nazaara
Tools - Auzaar
Toolbar - Auzaar ka dabba
Spreadsheet - Khuli Chaadar
Database - Bahi more...

STATE OF OHIO DEPARTMENT OF MOTOR VEHICLES
BULLETIN NO. 981059
DATE: October 21, 2000
TO: All Ohio Vehicle Owners
FROM: Ohio Department of Motor Vehicles
SUBJECT: Automobile Dimmer Switches
Pursuant to the Ohio Department of Motor Vehicles Act No. 69-13, all motor vehicles sold in the State of Ohio after Oct. 21, 2000 will be required to have the headlight dimmer switch mounted to the floorboard. Ohio DMV Act 69-13 will revert all Ohio motor vehicles to the prevalent dimmer system in use prior to the influx of foreign market vehicles.
The dimmer switch must be mounted in a position accessible to operation by pressing the switch by the left foot. The switch must be far enough removed from the left foot pedals to avoid inadvertent operation or pedal confusion.
Included in the above act and beginning October 21, 2000, all other vehicles with steering column mounted dimmer switches must be retrofitted with a floorboard mounted dimmer switch of the type more...