2000 Jokes / Recent Jokes

Yeltsin, Clinton and Bill Gates were invited to have dinner with God.
During dinner He told them: "I need three important people to send my
message out to all people: Tomorrow I will destroy the earth."
Yeltsin immediately called together his cabinet and told them: "I have two
really bad news items for you: God really exists and Tomorrow He will
destroy the earth."
Clinton called an emergency meeting of the Senate and Congress and told
them, "I have good news and bad news: The GOOD news is that God really
does exist and The BAD news is, tomorrow He is going to destroy the
earth."
Bill Gates went back to Microsoft and very happily announced: "I have two
fantastic announcements: I am one of the three most important people on
earth and The Year 2000 problem is solved."

An acquaintance, having seen a great many inquiries about whether his
company's software is Year 2000 compliant, is considering using this as
his new standard response:

We are quite confident that all of our systems are Year 2000 Compliant.

However, we have over a two year backlog of Year 2000 Compliance forms to
fill out, so according to our scheduling database, you should hear back
from us in June, 1900.

2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root. 1000 A.D. - That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer. 1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion. 1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill. 1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic. 2000 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.

Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe. 5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate was Sompala Pathirana a Sinhalese living in USA.
Bill Gates thanked all the candidates for coming and asking those who do not know JAVA programming to leave. 2000 people leave the room. Soma says to himself,' I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try' Bill Gates asked the candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people to leave. 2000 people leave the room.. Soma says to himself' I never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?' So he stays.
Then Bill Gates asked candidates who do not have management diplomas to leave. 500 people leave the room. Soma says to himself,' I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?' So he stays in the room.
Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo - Croat to leave. 498 more...

Microsoft announced today that the official release date for the new operating system "Windows 2000" will be delayed until the second quarter of1901.

Below is an item that appeared recently in various Humor lists. It did not appear credible to me, so I wrote to the Association of Trial Lawyers of America for their comments on its veracity. Their comments (including a little propaganda for their side) follow the summary of the Stella Awards below. We may have some "goofy" legal decisions in America, but the ones below appear to be bogus.
Origin of the Stella Awards:
In 1994, a New Mexico jury awarded $2.9 million U.S. in damages to 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who suffered third-degree burns to her legs, groin and buttocks after spilling a cup of McDonald's coffee on herself.
This case inspired an annual award - The "Stella" Award - for the most frivolous lawsuit in the U.S. The ones listed below are clear candidates.
January 2000: Kathleen Robertson of Austin Texas was awarded $780,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running amuck inside a furniture more...

STATE OF OHIO DEPARTMENT OF MOTOR VEHICLES
BULLETIN NO. 981059
DATE: October 21, 2000
TO: All Ohio Vehicle Owners
FROM: Ohio Department of Motor Vehicles
SUBJECT: Automobile Dimmer Switches
Pursuant to the Ohio Department of Motor Vehicles Act No. 69-13, all motor vehicles sold in the State of Ohio after Oct. 21, 2000 will be required to have the headlight dimmer switch mounted to the floorboard. Ohio DMV Act 69-13 will revert all Ohio motor vehicles to the prevalent dimmer system in use prior to the influx of foreign market vehicles.
The dimmer switch must be mounted in a position accessible to operation by pressing the switch by the left foot. The switch must be far enough removed from the left foot pedals to avoid inadvertent operation or pedal confusion.
Included in the above act and beginning October 21, 2000, all other vehicles with steering column mounted dimmer switches must be retrofitted with a floorboard mounted dimmer switch of the more...