2000 Jokes / Recent Jokes

A COLONEL ISSUED THE FOLLOWING DIRECTIVE TO HIS EXECUTIVE OFFICERS: "Tomorrow evening at approximately 2000 hours Halley's Comet will be visible in this area an event which occurs only every 75 years. Have the men fall out in the battalion area in fatigues, and I will explain this rare phenomenon to them. In case of rain, we will not be able to see anything, so assemble the men in the theater and I will show them films of it." EXECUTIVE OFFICER TO COMPANY COMMANDER: "By order of the Colonel, tomorrow at 2000 hours, Halley's Comet will appear above the battalion area. If it rains, fall the men out in fatigues, then march to the theater where this rare phenomenon will take place, something which occurs only once every 75 years." COMPANY COMMANDER TO LIEUTENANT: "By order of the Colonel be in fatigues at 2000 hours tomorrow evening. The phenomenal Halley's Comet will appear in the theater. In case of rain in the battalion area, the Colonel will give another more...

Recently, on an outing with my scout troop, the question came up of when the new millenium will begin-January 1st 2000 or 2001.So the Scoutmaster explained that each century begins with year "1" and ends with year "100"-thus the reason why the 20th century began at the start of 1901 and will end at the close of 2000.To illustrate his point, he gathered 15 berries and asked the boys how many he had.Each boy correctly answered "15".His next question was, "Now which berry is number '0'?"To which one boy blurted out, "The one that isn't there!"

A COLONEL ISSUED THE FOLLOWING DIRECTIVE TO HIS EXECUTIVE OFFICERS:
"Tomorrow evening at approximately 2000 hours Halley's Comet will be visible in this area; an event which occurs only every 75 years. Have the men fall out in the battalion area in fatigues, and I will explain this rare phenomenon to them. In case of rain, we will not be able to see anything, so assemble the men in the theater and I will show them films of it."
EXECUTIVE OFFICER TO COMPANY COMMANDER:
"By order of the Colonel, tomorrow at 2000 hours, Halley's Comet will appear above the battalion area. If it rains, fall the men out in fatigues, then march to the theater where this rare phenomenon will take place, something which occurs only once every 75 years."
COMPANY COMMANDER TO LIEUTENANT:
"By order of the Colonel be in fatigues at 2000 hours tomorrow evening. The phenomenal Halley's Comet will appear in the theater. In case of rain in the battalion area, the Colonel more...

The "Stella" awards rank up there with the Darwin awards. Stella Liebeck is the 81 year old lady who spilled coffee on herself and sued McDonalds. This case inspired an annual award: The "Stella" Award - for the most frivolous lawsuits in the U. S.The following are this year's candidates:1. January 2000: Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $780,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little brat was Ms. Robertson's son.2. June 1998: A 19 year old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car, when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.3. October 1998: A Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania was leaving a house he had just more...

(Forwards at the Betty Ford Clinic for Y2K compulsives. ..)
Press Release: For general release
Date: December 9, 1998
REDMOND, WA (API) - MICROSOFT (MSFT) announced today that the official release date for the new operating system "Windows 2000" will be delayed until the second quarter of 1901.

Four delegates from China, Russia, the United States and Malaysia attended the United Nations' Meeting. All the nations were discussing about space exploration by the year 2000. Here are some of the conversations: China Delegate:' By the year 2000, China will start their moon exploration project.' Russian Delegate:' We too, we are going to explore the moon. This time we will see to it that our cosmonauts will step on the moon.' Bill Clinton:' We the United States will also explore the moon for second time.' Malaysian Delegate:' By the year 2000, Malaysia will explore the sun.' There was a long silence, Bill Clinton stood up and asked the Malaysia Delegate:' Isn't it too hot to explore the sun?' Malaysian Delegate (smiling):' I had this thought out already. We will do it in the evening.'

A woman meets a man in a put and rushes up to
the hotel room.The man starts to undress.when he takes off his shirt he says it is 2000 pounds of dynamite.The woman is getting exited.Then the man takes off his trouses and says it is 2000 of dynamite.Now the woman is getting really exited .Finally the man takes off his underwear and after a quick glance the
woman runs off.The man manages to grab her.He
says whatever is the matter.The woman says sorry but with 4000 pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse I thought you were going to
blow up any second.