5000 Jokes / Recent Jokes

There is a man who has three girlfriends, but he does not know which one to marry. So he decides to give each one of them $5000 and see how each of them spends it.The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the man, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much."The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a television, and stereo and gives them to the man. She says, "I bought these gifts for you because I love you so much."The third one takes the $5000 and invests it in the stock market, doubles her investment, returns the $5000 and reinvests the rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much."The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money, and decided to marry the one with the biggest breasts.

A maadu named Hariharan lived in New York city. Once he went to a bank to request a loan of $5000 as he was about to leave for a business trip to Europe. The bank agreed for the loan but asked for a guarantee. The maadu immediately handed the bank manager the keys to his brand new rolls royce that was parked downstairs. The bank people agreed and parked the rolls royce in their parking lot. The maadu took the $5000 and went to Europe. He returned after a week. The bank asked him $12.50 interest on the loan. The maadu payed the amount and the interest and was about to leave before the bank manager stopped him for a minute. The manager told the maadu that he was pleased to do business with the maadu but he also told that, 'sir, we checked your accounts and we came to know that you are a millionaire, then why did you borrow just $5000 from us?' the maadu replied,' it's not the $5000 that matter, what matters is that I couldn't have found a parking for my car in $12.50 for 1 week.'

The Ten Commandments
1. Thou shall not squeeze too hard on the opposite sexes genetalia
2. Thou shall not ask for a kiss, just give one or take one
3. Thou shall kiss at every given opportunity
4. If thou kissed someone, and was slapped, thou shalt not kiss her again.
5. Thou shall never bite when in the act of french kissing
6. Thou shall not pay for sexual intercourse
7. Thou shall not date members of state or Musicians
8. Thou shall not have sexual intercourse in public convieniences.
9. thou should never turn down free sexual intercourse
10. Procreate at will
Religions of the world
Taoism: Shit happens
Confucianism: Confucius say, shit happens
Hinduism: This shit has happened before
Buddhism: Shit happens, yet shit does not happen
Islam: Shit happens, is Allah wills
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to me?
Protestantism: Let shit happen to other people
Catholicism: If shit more...

A man walks into a New York bank, and says he's going to Europe for two weeks and needs to borrow $5000. For collateral, he offers his new Rolls Royce.

The bank is satisfied and parks it in their secured underground garage. Two weeks later to the day, the man returns to the bank, repays the $5000 and interest of $15. 41.

The loan officer says inquiringly, "Sir, we were delighted to have your business but, in checking your credit, we learned you are a multimillionaire. Why ever did you need to borrow $5000?"

"Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for $15. 41?"

MALE LOGIC:
There is a man who has three girlfriends, but he does not know which one to marry. So he decides to give each one $5,000 and see how each of them spends it.
The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the man, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much."
The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a television, and a stereo and gives them all to the man. She says, "I bought these gifts for you with the money you gave me because I love you so much."
The third one takes the 5000 and invests it in the stock market, doubles her investment, returns the 5000 to the man and reinvests the rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much."
The man thought long and hard about the way that each woman had used the money.
He then decided more...

A well known rich businessman's wife broke her hip. The businessman got the best bone surgeon in town to do the operation. The operation consisted of lining up the broken hip and putting in a screw to secure it. The operation went fine, and the doctor sent the business man a fee for his services of $5000. The businessman was outraged at the cost, and sent the doctor a letter demanding an itemized list of the costs. The doctor sent back a list with two things: 1 screw $1 Knowing how to put it in $4999 $5000 totalThe businessman never argued.

A Sardarji and his wife are traveling by car from Delhi to Mumbai. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for Rs. 5000/-
The Sardarji explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth Rs. 5000/-. When the clerk tells him Rs. 5000/- is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appears, listens to the Sardarji, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use. But we didn't use them", the Sardarji complains. Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager. He goes on to explain they could more...